The Hammer of Thor

I’ve had enough.

I’ve grown sick and tired of being the person I have grown to hate throughout the years of my life.  I detailed who “the person” I have become and why I hate him here.  I simply can’t live like this anymore, and I’m not going to sit around and wait for change that isn’t going to happen.  My current self isn’t motivated toward change.  He would rather sit idle, growing into the depraved, gelatinous blob he is coming to resemble.  People have said “how can you view yourself so negatively? Keep in mind that God created you just the way you are and He loves you.”  Well, yes and no.  God does love me no matter what I look like, but he didn’t make me into who I am.  I did.  I brought myself here through sins and disobedience.  I believed I could control my life and be a good person.  Belief was enough.  I didn’t have to actually follow Christ.  I mean, I’m a basically good person right?  I thought about that question and realized: no, I’m not.  I’m embarrassed by what I’ve become.  For me to go on living and not change isn’t returning the love He gives me.  I can no longer live as I have knowing God loves me no matter what and using that excuse to not better myself.

I’ve never in my life read through the entire Bible.  To claim sola Scriptura and to have not read it in its entirety is shameful.  Three days ago, I started the M’Cheyne Bible Reading Plan, which brings you through a reading the entire Old Testament once and the New Testament and the Psalms twice throughout the course of a year.  Having a structured plan laid out is the only way I’m going to actually read through the Bible in a year.  I need structure for this kind of thing.  Admittedly, it’s going to feel a lot like homework for awhile.  I’m doing it as an act of obedience, and I’d be lying if I told you it’s really what my heart desires, but I believe desire will follow after obedience.  So, for now, I’m forcing myself to do it.  I humbly ask for your prayers that God will sustain me and enable me to complete this task, and also that He will spark a desire in my heart and a longing for Him, and pray that He will provide me with discipline.

This is going to require copious amounts of discipline, and I think it will be helpful to me during this reading to become disciplined in another area of my life.  Ever since I can remember, I’ve been considerably overweight.  So overweight, in fact, that my attempts at being active and exercising only result in injury because my body is too big to support itself.  I expressed my frustration over this in that previous post I linked to.  I had been reluctant to attack this issue from another angle, but that time has come.  My good friend Peter Larson brought to my attention something called the Slow-Carb Diet.  I’ve been soooooooo against dieting for simple fact that I love food and I love to eat.  However, this love is interfering with my health, and this diet is something I think I can really pull off.  It’s going to be brutal, and it’s not meant to be fun, but it certainly has its rewards, both in the long run and weekly.  A synopsis of the diet can be read here.  Many facets of this diet entice me.  For one, it’s not a diet in which you starve yourself.  It’s simply a diet where you eliminate foods that cause you to gain weight, and continue eating proteins and slow carbohydrates.  Parts of it will be difficult: no bread/grains/pasta, no sugar, no fruit (frowny face).  I have been paying attention to what I eat in preparation for this diet to see just how much my eating will change.  I think almost everything I’ve eaten in the past few days is off limits.  There will be some adjusting, but it doesn’t mean it has to taste bad.  Meat is still fair game, as are all vegetables, as well as beans and eggs.  You’re even allowed a can of diet soda a day.  I hate diet soda, so that shouldn’t be too hard to limit myself to, and it will help with my sweet fix.  But the best part of this diet comes at the end of every week.  You see, one day a week, you’re supposed to break all of the rules of the diet.  This ensures that your metabolic rate doesn’t downshift from extended caloric restriction.  It’s sort of the same concept as muscle confusion in working out, something that P90X made into a household term.  Essentially, it doesn’t let your body get into a rhythm.  By eating whatever I want one day a week, I’m keeping my body on its toes and not letting it slip into a groove.  Yes, in this diet, eating like crap one day a week can actually increase fat loss!  Peter started the diet this past Monday.  Tomorrow (Saturday) is his first Dieters Gone Wild day, and he tells me he’s looking forward to drinking coke and eating candy.  On my DGW days, I’ll probably down full bottles of Gold Peak sweet tea and eat fruit like the dickens.  I’m setting my DGW days up to be on Sundays because those are the days I usually will go out to eat after church, so that gives me the ability to eat at Famous Dave’s or eat my mom’s delicious food at her house and have it be encouraged by the diet.  So, this Sunday, I’m going grocery shopping.  I’m putting the remainders of my current food in a Sunday box and putting it away.  I think having the cross-discipline between eating right and reading my Bible religiously (see what I did there?) will be beneficial and help me keep disciplined across the board.

Again, this is just the beginning.  I have a lot of work to do on myself before I can say I’m even a respectable person, but I’m being obedient and making progress.  Spending time in the word and improving the condition of my temple of the Holy Spirit will be a form of worship, thus bringing more motivation to persevere.  I implore anyone reading this to keep me in your prayers during this year, as I will be leaning heavily on the mercy of God to make this all possible!

In my reading today I came across a verse I would like to share.

Acts 4:11-12
“This Jesus is the stone that was rejected by you, the builders, which has become the cornerstone.  And there is salvation in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given among men by which we must be saved.“

Thank you, friends, and go with God.